Covid-19, Lockdown, Asperger’s Syndrome and Understanding Common Humanity

As I write this piece, lockdown measures to halt the spread of the Coronavirus (Covid-19) have been in place for over five weeks, which has seen the landscapes of our lives completely altered with self-isolating. Staying at home, including working from home where we can, social distancing when going out for necessary reasons such as to obtain food and/or medicine have pulled many of us out of our comfort zones. Different households, and indeed different individuals, circumstances are a factor in how they affect our experience of lockdown conditions, including how we cope with it. For me, being diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome who has experienced high level social isolation, of the many things that living through Covid-19 lockdown conditions can teach us is the value of common humanity.

Between October and November of 2019, I undertook an eight-week course in Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC). Developed by psychologists Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer, the purposes of the practices taught on an MSC course, including meditation and letter writing exercises are to help us understand how we can often be over self-critical towards ourselves and how we can, in turn, overcome this by cultivating care and understanding towards ourselves. I had been interested to go down the mindful self-compassion route after having practiced mindfulness in both a spiritual and independent context for almost 15 years, I felt that I had learned a lot of techniques which helped me understand my mind, but still felt a little short of understanding my heart, including in relation to the mind.

The first mindful self-compassion techniques I learned was meditation with the hands placed gently over the heart while being aware of the breath coming in and going out. The more I felt and listened to the working of the heart while being aware of the breath, I felt that I noticed how close the physical heart that beats and the hypothetical heart that is a source of feeling, including love and compassion. The different mindfulness techniques I have practiced, including sitting and yoga stretching, opened me to sensory experiences that I had previously felt blind to by habits, including obsessive tendencies I experience in relation to Asperger’s Syndrome. While being more aware of physical sensations occurring through the body I feel has given me a stronger awareness of what can influence me thoughts, paying more attention to the workings of the physical heart through gentle touch I found to be a helpful starting point in being able to understand the source of many physical sensations, as many originate from the workings of the heart.

Under normal circumstances, when we are feeling unhappy, including perhaps feeling socially isolated or unwanted or feel that an injustice has been done to us it is very easy to feel we are the only ones in this world who are suffering. Like many other people with Asperger’s Syndrome who have experienced social isolation while it seems just about everyone else is out having fun, I have experienced this, as well as the feelings of shame that it is my fault that my life is miserable. Over time, I gradually began to understand and accept that this is unlikely, as others also experience low or difficult periods. Through mindful self-compassion, I found that what it is that can isolate us, including myself is through hiding from feelings of inadequacy or shame. But when applying awareness through mindfulness we gradually notice are not the only person who experiences such feelings. Through inter-connection of human activity, however distant it can seem, human experience is shared. This is what Germer (2009) describes as common humanity.

Rainbow, a shared symbol of hope

Whereas living under normal circumstances, common humanity can feel almost ‘invisible’, but living under lockdown conditions which began in the UK in around mid-March 2020 has made the theme much more apparent. However different our individual circumstances and how we are affected by them, where the common humanity theme has become so much more apparent in our fight against Covid-19, is that we are all subject to the guidelines which are constantly around us on television and throughout social media including staying home, observing social distancing and traveling only for essential reasons etc.

Initially, living in such unprecedented circumstances can feel very confined, and may very well still do for some. I am fortunate in that what I do, testing software, I am able to do it from home and was initially concerned about such ‘confinement’ at first (which is why under normal circumstances I only work from home occasionally, including when the Tyne and Wear Metro breaks down!), but after over a month of lockdown, I am finding that staying at home has enabled me to reflect inward so much more. Not being out and about constantly and not venturing very far, I find, turns awareness within and has helped me notice where I have spent to much time on autopilot. To stay aware and to help stay fit, I have been doing short runs outdoors as permitted within the guidelines and have also found myself doing more yoga, while also practicing self-compassion meditation techniques, including the soothing touch of hands on heart while noticing the breath.

A light in the darkness during lockdown, a 'Super Moon'

Lockdown has been huge step out of our comfort zone as a species, having to adjust to not being able to meet up with friends as well as different arrangements of acquiring food and medicine and realizing how previously under-appreciated so many of us in particular roles including care homes, supermarket workers, delivery services and many others have largely been. The likelihood is that it may very well be some time before we experience pre-lockdown life again, but as during many such times of difficulties and hardships, we can emerge all the better for having experienced them, including developing more compassion and stronger understanding for when we can meet others again.

A huge thank you to Dr Anna Maria Bendjik from Psychology at the Coast for her guidance during the eight-week course Mindful Self-Compassion course and extended compassion to all humanity, especially those working in healthcare services and care homes and those ensuring delivery of essentials during difficult times.